Feminism

“Promising Young Woman” Explained: SPOILER Review

/ Heather Strong Moore / Leave a comment

What do Inglorious Basterds and The Blindside have in common? On the surface they would seem to be opposites but what connects them is how they make the audience feel at the end. Revenge fantasy exploitation films and overly simplistic heart-warmers both offer a sense of resolution and justice when the credits roll. The bad guys have been punished; the good guys won. The problem that caused the conflict has been solved. You the viewer can leave feeling like all is as it should be. Promising Young Woman is not this kind of film.

Because this is a spoiler review, I’m going to assume that if you are still reading right now then you have already seen the film so I’ll skip the recap. Perhaps the biggest reaction that has been coming from theaters and On Demand viewers is a wide polarity in how people feel about the ending. Some people hate the twist of Cassie being murdered and feel like it ruined the whole movie. It is an ending that leaves us feeling deeply unsettled and grieved. While it was not the ending I desired, I think the entire arc of the film is quite brilliant. Let me unpack some of the motifs and themes that director Emerald Fennell develops, and what her storytelling choices are meant to communicate.

Reversing the male gaze

From the opening shots of businessmen in khaki pants shimmying and gyrating on the dance floor, Fennell is signaling that a lot of movie tropes are about to be subverted. I immediately laughed out loud as the scene played out because it was such a satisfying parody of literally every music video club scene ever. Think about how many times you have seen women filmed in exactly the same manner, all butts and hips and crotches and thighs shot in slow motion close-up. The female body objectified and dismembered for the gratification of male viewers. PYW is a movie that turns an unwavering gaze squarely back onto men. Cassie torments men, not by physically terrorizing them, but simply by looking directly at their worst intentions and not looking away. From Cassie staring down the harassing construction workers, to confronting would-be assailants in the moments when they think they aren’t being monitored, to Ryan having to face his past attitudes and actions, the men freak out when their actions are exposed for what they truly are. The horror lies in having your true self revealed to you. It is incredibly telling how uncomfortable being watched makes the men in the movie and the men in the audience. It shows how much men are accustomed to being the watchers, not to being observed and seen. A huge point of the movie is to make men feel for a couple of hours the way women feel as we move through the world. The objects of unwanted attention, exposed, vulnerable, stressed.

Khakis and the “good guy” effect

I loved all of the set designs and costuming, there was so much wonderful attention to detail. Hopefully you specifically noticed the khaki pants motif and the casting choices. At some point all of the men are dressed in “normal guy” khaki pants and button-down shirts, appearing harmless and nice. All played by beloved male actors that we all think of with fondness and trust. Seth Cohen or Schmidtt or Dell or Bo Burnham could never do such terrible things. These are all men that we have been conditioned to believe the best of. As a result it is very hard to tell who the “bad” guys are and who the “nice” guys are. And that is because they don’t know either. They all think they are good guys. Studies show that when men are asked “Have you ever raped anyone?” they nearly all say no. But when questions are less direct, “Have you ever had sex with someone when they were drunk?” the answers start to change. No one wants to think they are the villain, and society has allowed so many other narratives to surround male toxicity. “We were just kids”, “Boys will be boys”, “She knew what this was.” PYW does a phenomenal job of showing how easy it is for men to spin narratives for each other so they can victimize others but continue feeling good about themselves. And women often get pulled into perpetuating these narratives with them. If we can blame the circumstances or the victim, then we feel good about ourselves as well. It makes us think something like that could never happen to us because we are better or smarter. So men are enabled in their predatory behavior and allowed to move on and achieve with their fragile psyches intact. While women are left trying to pick up the pieces in their wake, at times supporting and at times undermining each other.

Bo Burnham (left) stars as “Ryan“ and Carey Mulligan (right) stars as “Cassandra” in director Emerald Fennell’s PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN, a Focus Features release. Credit : Merie Weismiller Wallace / Focus Features

Woman as disposable

Cassie’s death is profoundly disturbing, but it illustrates the ways that our patriarchal society treats women as disposable. It did not matter that two intelligent and capable women dropped out of medical school as long as the men were able to continue pursuing their careers. Especially when women are poor or engaging in any kind of behavior that is seen as unbecoming, their lives and mental health are valued far less than their male counterparts. Women will always be penalized harshly for any perceived mistakes, while men will be given countless benefits of the doubt. As soon as the reputation and livelihood of the male characters was threatened, it was incredibly easy for them to sacrifice women to protect themselves. They could be confident that they would be chosen over the women. The behavior of Al and Joe is so horrifying because they clearly think they will get away with it. It takes an excruciatingly long time for Al to kill Cassie (I had to mute my TV after the first few seconds), plenty of time for him to realize what he is doing and stop. But he doesn’t stop because deep down he believes that his future is more important and worthy than hers, and he believes that others will agree. The same can be said for Ryan as he blatantly lies to the detective. He can blame Cassie’s mental health knowing that people are quick to believe women to be unstable and that his status as a pediatrician will protect him with credibility and sympathy. So those “good guys” found out who they were as soon as they risked losing their status. They did not hesitate to choose themselves no matter what it cost the women around them.

The problem with catharsis

I had no idea what would happen when Cassie walked into that cabin. I think most people were expecting a violent bloodbath and were getting ready to cheer the demise of all those bad guys. But instead, we are left feeling sad and scared and on edge. And I think that is exactly the point. No revenge fantasy exploitation movie is going to tear down the patriarchy. Which is why PYW may actually be the most brilliant revenge movie ever. The revenge isn’t enacted on the villains, it’s enacted on the audience. We don’t get to walk away and forget and move on with our lives. Especially for any viewers who have knowingly or unknowingly participated in the degradation of women, you walk away reevaluating every interaction you’ve had and wondering if you really are a good guy (or girl) after all. Now we are the best friend who must keep going and try to make the world a more just and equitable place. We are not released and resolved; we are reminded of how much work we have to do. I wish Cassie didn’t die. I wish violence against women was a thing of the past. But that’s not going to happen until we start seeing ourselves and each other with unflinching honesty. Until we gaze directly at the systems and narratives that got us here, and sacrifice that which shields toxicity rather than those who are harmed by it.

Taylor Swift and the struggles of white repentance

/ Heather Strong Moore / 1 Comment

“My entire moral code has been based on the need to be perceived as good.”

So says Taylor Swift in the recent Netflix documentary about her career and the recording process of her latest album, Lover. The doc weaves in footage of her early career, but focuses primarily on her reflections of what shaped her as a young artist, and how she has been driven ever since. Swift has a remarkable and unparalleled career. Starting out as a 14-year-old in Nashville, she has always been in the public eye and grew up with her entire personhood on display. She has always written her own songs, and has logged 7 chart-topping studio albums, an unusual sustained success for any artist. Swift was coming of age along with her fans and leveraged social media in a way that was ground-breaking at the time, giving fans glimpses into her personal life and making them feel like they were her friends. A major part of her persona has been her accessibility and transparency, bringing herself into her songwriting and into her connections with fans. But that has come at a cost.

Swift is exceptionally successful but largely because she is a perfectionist who struggles with anxiety, disordered eating, loneliness, and the belief that to be good one must be flawless. To be in the public eye means to be criticized, and Swift internalized negative feedback into believing that if she tried harder and became better, she would find the acceptance and approval she longed for. She talks candidly about the performance treadmill she was perpetually on, trying to conform to what others wanted her to be so that she could finally feel that she was enough.

In the past two years she has tried to confront the constraints she was allowing to be placed upon her. That has included becoming more politically active around causes she cares about and speaking out about sexual harassment and assault. In the doc we watch her share a public Instagram post about the 2018 mid-term Senate race in Tennessee (her home state), which was a major risk for her. The moment when she hits “share” on her Instagram account is one of deep anxiety and dread, knowing what would come next. She received intense backlash as well as death threats and the potential for physical harm.

These themes are where Miss Americana turns from being about Taylor Swift specifically to being about what it means to be a young woman in society. Speaking for young white women at least, we are socialized to be agreeable and approval-seeking. To accommodate the needs and comfort of others regardless of what we are experiencing. To conform to the expectations of others, particularly men, and not be contentious or opinionated. We are taught that we should strive for perfection. Perfection in attaining impossible body and beauty ideals, and perfection in our studies and careers. We should not attempt something unless we know we can complete it with excellence and are wracked with shame and embarrassment over every perceived failure. If the ideal is to be “good”, then anything that makes us feel “bad” is to be avoided at all costs.

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I believe these dynamics have contributed significantly to white feminism’s failure to partner authentically with women of color. It should be named first that in various stages of the women’s movement, women of color have intentionally been excluded for no other reason than prejudice and selfishness. That needs to be named and contended with, along with multiple other factors. For now, and in this area, I think the way white women are socialized is blocking our current ability to move forward in a healthier and more equitable way. Because to join with women of color has to start with admitting failure and flaws. It has to involve pressing into the ways that we have lived in blindness and being willing to make mistakes as we move towards understanding. We have to admit that we are not perfect, and from there we have to take risks that will make some angry and offended.

I had to wrestle with this firsthand when I moved to Memphis, TN three years ago from the Northeast. Before moving I would have described myself as concerned about racial reconciliation and issues of justice. I had a strong Biblical conviction that God is concerned with the poor and marginalized, and that as Christians we are called to enter into those same concerns. But it wasn’t until I came to the Deep South that all my blindness and selfishness and disbelief were exposed. I had no idea the extent to which racism has corrupted our society, and my unintentional role in perpetuating it. And as a result, I spent the first year in this new city in a perpetual state of anxiety. Every day I was realizing new things about the on-going impact of systemic racism, and every day I felt like a failure and a “bad” person. As a white woman, that triggered all my defensiveness and instinctive need to preserve my identity as a “good” person and to downplay and dismiss and withdraw. There was an intense war waging within me, one that could have easily derailed me and prompted me to give up.

That is a war we will all have to face if we are serious about addressing the failures and exclusions of white feminism. Because the truth is, we have failed, and we have been doing it wrong. We have been staying in what is comfortable and known. We have taken some genuine risks to address toxic patterns in society but have stopped short of acknowledging where we have contributed to patterns of systemic inequality. We have kept others at a distance in order to prevent confronting things that could make us feel inadequate. And that has kept us prisoners to fear, anxiety, and lies. We are more concerned with being perceived as good than we are about doing what is right.

If we are to move forward, we need to cling to Jesus who promises that the truth sets us free. Who promises that He is not surprised by our sin and failure, but offers us mercy and forgiveness. Who gives us the Holy Spirit to rewire and change us from the inside out. In my journey of contending with racism, the Lord was able to work out more than my prejudice and biases. I was finally giving God room to deal with my idols of approval and perfection, and finding freedom in embracing my weakness in order to step into humility and equity. I have been profoundly blessed and changed by Memphis, and Jesus has used this place to disciple me and transform me. That would never have happened if I had not made my peace with being imperfect. It is time for us to seek the Spirit’s help in releasing our need to be perfect and repent at the foot of the cross, knowing that renewal and hope are waiting for us.

 

Resources for next steps: If racial equity is something that you want to pursue more, here are two simple places to start.

  • Bryan Stevenson – This podcast interview with the lawyer and author of Just Mercy is a beautiful exposition on why it is important to still be talking about the history of race in America. Stevenson is a Christian and his faith is a clear motivator in the way he talks about racial healing with hope and purpose
  • White Awake: An Honest Look at What it Means to be White by Daniel Hill. From IVP, this is a faith-based discussion of white culture and seven stages to expect on your own path to cultural awakening.

 

“Anne with an E” – Breaking the slate clean

/ Heather Strong Moore / Leave a comment

“Hey, Carrots…Carrots!”

For any Anne of Green Gables fans, this is one of the most iconic scenes in L.M. Montgomery’s beloved first book. Anne is an orphan who has been mistreated and used for free labor her whole life. Living at the turn of the 20th century, this was no joke. We’ve all seen Newsies. We know that child labor laws weren’t exactly a thing. Not only has Anne been an orphan her whole life, she’s also a red-head. Long before Molly Ringwald and Emma Stone, having red hair was considered a source of shame and inferiority.

So here Anne is, sitting in a new classroom surrounded by new children, in a new home with a dubious level of security, and a popular boy immediately teases her about her hair. In the midst of Anne hoping that her life might be different, she is reminded of all that she can’t leave behind. She responds by doing what most of us have wanted to do at one time or another, breaking her slate over the offender’s head.

anne classroom

A lot of buzz has surrounded Netflix’s new adaption “Anne with an E.” A grittier and more realistic take on the classic children’s book, Moira Walley-Beckett’s interpretation for the CBC has been drawing mixed reactions. On the positive side, the casting is excellent and the personality of each character is consistent with the source material. The setting of Prince Edward Island during the time period is brought to life in vivid detail. You feel immersed in the difficulty as well as the magic of life on a rural Canadian island. Some of the dialogue, particularly in the opening episode, are word-for-word from the book. What is different about this Anne (and drawing much of the criticism) is highlighting her background of trauma and uncertainty. The first few episodes include flashbacks from Anne’s life before Green Gables and take some creative license in speculating on this theme. At some points I found the backstory embellishing to be a bit excessive, and the last few episodes have a darker tone that departs further from the source material than I would prefer. But in general Walley-Beckett invites us to think about Anne as a human, not just a heroine.

Montgomery implied that Anne’s life before Green Gables was marked by servitude, being shuffled between homes and the asylum, and having experienced cruelty. Anne is continually penalized with suspicion and fear for being an orphan, as though that were somehow her fault. Her entire young life has been a struggle to belong, to feel wanted. She only arrives at Green Gables by mistake, the Cuthberts having sent for a boy but receiving a girl. Her hopes and dreams of having a home and a family are initially dashed when she finds out that she is not what they were expecting. “Anne with an E” explores what a real child would think and feel if that was her reality. A real child would experience flashbacks, would be paranoid about people’s motives, and would need to have found ways to cope.

anne baggage

This is the greatest strength of “Anne”, blending the character’s famous imagination and optimism with her suffering. While Anne’s carpetbag might have been light, she arrived with some real baggage. Her way of processing her bleak life was to find resiliency in imagining something much better. She was instinctively drawn to books and stories and words in order to draw beauty from barrenness. Rather than detracting from the positivity of the book, I think this approach only enhances the power of Anne as a role model. Anyone can be optimistic who has never suffered, it takes real strength to go through the fire and still find beauty and joy in the world around you.

“Anne” also asks more of its audience than the popular 1980s adaptation. Part of the backlash against the new series is that it shows too much of the harsh reality and not enough of the whimsy and flowering landscapes. But in this response, viewers are sending a dangerous message to Anne and each other. We are functionally saying that you can only be beloved if you leave your baggage at the door and embody what others want you to be. Be upbeat, be charming, be pretty, and people will like you.

anne-the-series-publicity-poster

And yet none of us are a blank slate. We all carry around painful experiences and sources of shame that cause us to feel trepidation about our place in the world. As with Anne, many of those things have occurred outside our control. In C.S. Lewis’ book “Til We Have Faces” there is a profound line

“Don’t you think the things people are most ashamed of are things they can’t help?”

We are at our most vulnerable when confronted with things inside us and around us that are not our choice. Our greatest shame is our powerlessness to make ourselves and our lives exactly how we think they should be. We want to just break the slate of our past and powerlessness and act like we are everything we want to be.

But at the end of the day we don’t actually want to be a blank slate, we want to be fully known and fully loved for all that we are. We want to be able to tell our whole stories and see that who we are is still worthy and lovable. In “Anne with an E,” Anne doesn’t break her slate in half over Gilbert’s head, she only cracks it. Perhaps this is the invitation “Anne” offers. To not try to leave our histories behind and pretend to be blank slates, but to find love and belonging as whole people.

If we’re talking bodies

/ Heather Strong Moore / 6 Comments

Women have sexual desires, it’s true. We’re not passive disinterested objects that sex happens to; we’re active participants with our own wants and needs. I think this aspect of the sexual revolution (in its various on-going phases) served women well. Affirming women’s experience of their sexuality allowed for greater equality in relationships and for us to be able to communicate our desires and expectations. In many ways women have been freed to live more authentically and richly as we explore our place in the world. This is a good thing. But there are also aspects of the sexual revolution that wear a mask of freedom and progress and yet have continued to keep women enslaved. I’m focusing on two lies that I think have crept into our feminism:

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Your body as a thing

A destructive dichotomy has become increasingly pronounced in pop culture in recent years. This is the idea that our bodies are a tool that we use like any other resource to get the things we want. It’s not a philosophy of seeing our bodies and spirits as being intertwined, but our bodies being for utility and disconnected from our emotional experience. Here’s a couple of song examples.

Lady Gaga and Christian Aguilera put out a song in 2013 called “Do What U Want”

Chorus

You can’t have my heart
And you won’t use my mind but
Do what you want with my body
(Do what you want) with my body
You can’t stop my voice cause
You don’t own my life but
Do what you want with my body
(Do what you want) with my body

[Bridge: Lady Gaga & Christina Aguilera]
Sometimes I’m scared I suppose
If you ever let me go
I would fall apart
If you break my heart
So just take my body
And don’t stop the party

Tove Lo, an artist that I think is putting out particularly unhelpful music, has a current radio hit called “Talking Body.”

Chorus

Now if we’re talking body
You got a perfect one
So put it on me
Swear it won’t take you long
If you love me right
[Clean:] We love for life
On and on and on

Love, give me love
Anything you want I’ll give it up
Lips, lips I kiss
Bite me while I taste your fingertips

Bodies!
Our baby making bodies we just use for fun
Bodies!
Let’s use them up ’til every little piece is gone
(Let’s go)
On and on and on
(Let’s go)
On and on

I HATE these songs and others like them. They masquerade as sexual power and control while actually making women dehumanized objects. To put it bluntly, I think they’re contributing to rape culture. The message to men is that women’s bodies exist for pleasure and that what happens to our bodies doesn’t affect us. Being disembodied is not power, it’s numbness. Feeling nothing may feel like control but it comes at the cost of fully experiencing ourselves and the world around us. It’s also not authentic choice. If we have to shut down part of ourselves in order to feel comfortable, then we’re actually living out of fear of pain and vulnerability. That’s not having control, it’s being controlled.

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Here’s what may be an uncomfortable biblical reality. The popular phrase, “It’s my body, I can do what I want with it” isn’t accurate. 1 Cor. 6:12-20 gives us a thorough treatise on God’s view of sexuality, and 18-20 tell us why:

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Nothing in the world belongs to us, everything is God’s creation and belongs to him. “Everything” includes our bodies. Our bodies are not empty shells, we were created to be deeply complex beings. Whatever happens to one part of us happens to our whole selves. The good news is that God made us for flourishing and to experience the fullness of life. God’s ownership of our bodies is not for exploitation and oppression, but for freedom and thriving. Seeing ourselves as God’s may feel like a lack of power and control, but it’s an invitation to live in true fullness and authenticity, without fear and without shame.

Anti-Slut Shaming

Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of good things about this movement. It’s helped combat victim blaming in cases of sexual assault, and pointed out unfair double standards in our culture. It’s been very unhelpful when it requires nothing different from men. Many manifestations of this movement have resulted in celebrating female promiscuity. (The podcast “Guys We’ve F%&@ed” for example.) Again, it’s fine to affirm that women are active participants in sexual activity. But first of all, “equality” doesn’t mean being able to do the same harmful thing back to your oppressor. Men indiscriminately sleeping around and using women was never a good thing for the flourishing of society. Why then would it be helpful for women to do so? Employing the same destructive patterns isn’t power, it’s being defined by your oppression. It’s claiming that we should be able to do everything men do without freely examining whether the things they have done are actually good and desirable.

Secondly, if I’m a guy who already objectifies women, then women being promiscuous is great for me. It allows me to continue hooking up with whomever, whenever, and never needing to view them as individuals worthy of my respect. It’s women functionally saying to those men, “You treat us like pieces of meat but it’s ok because we like it now.” I think actual progress would involve men growing and changing in the ways they view and treat women. Equality isn’t just about actions but also perspectives. Both men and women seeing each other as possessing inherent dignity and worth. Both of us acting in ways to build each other up in the world, not to use each other for our own gratification.

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Finally, sometimes we should feel negative emotions about experiences that were unhealthy for us. The somewhat extreme but prevalent message is that women should never feel badly about their consensual sexual experiences. It’s your body and your choices, so don’t regret or feel ashamed about anything. But what about when we made a bad decision and our hearts instinctively know that our behavior resulted in a negative impact on us? Our spirits and bodies are deeply entwined and our mind knows when something happened to our bodies that felt off. Most women already struggle to honestly name and express their emotions. Telling women to never feel badly about anything is another form of numbing and silencing. We would be better served by encouraging each other to listen to our instincts and comfort levels and not be afraid to walk away from a situation or to refuse to repeat a behavior we didn’t like. Freedom isn’t blanketly calling everything we do good, but learning more about ourselves and the way we want to be in the world.

In all of this, my hope is for both men and women to understand their profound God-given value. Let’s not act blindly out of what we’ve always seen around us, but imagine a new and better way of being together. Reflect on the messages you receive about how you’re expected to act. Start dreaming about what else might be possible for you and the people around you. There’s more for you than this.

Strong Moore: What’s in a name?

/ Ivan Strong Moore / 2 Comments

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet.”

– Romeo and Juliet

Flipping through my grade school notebooks you will come to understand a couple truths about who I was in my youth. One, I was definitely a wildly nonsensical doodler. Two, these doodles often starred the jacked, tights-and-cape alter ego of all of my wildest dreams…Codeman. Codeman was a hero fashioned from Superman but with a ‘C’ gracing the diamond on his chest. He was bold, he was strong, he was everything a man would want to be. He was me.

Codeman

The hero of heroes, Codeman!

This moniker, of course, did not originate from an unreasonable affection for Cody Lambert, Kickboxer 2 star Sasha Mitchell’s character from the TGIF family sitcom Step by Step. Rather, it originated from my middle name, Cody. The name my mother gave me. To my family and oldest friends, I am Cody. But where is Codeman now? Why does my Facebook now read Ivan Strong Moore? Obviously, this action was a feminist uppercut to societal norms around the barbaric tradition of women changing their names when they marry! It’s not, not that, but it’s more than that. And it all started with our pre-marriage counseling.

Cody Step by Step

The most famous Cody of my childhood. Sasha Mitchell on Step by Step.

For those of you who are thinking of getting married, there are few practices that I can recommend more fervently than seeking out pre-marriage counseling. It is not a waste of time during the busy season of wedding planning. I am so thankful for my pastors and mentors that have led me through this process and began pouring wisdom into our marriage way before we said “I do.” One of the first exercises you may do in pre-marriage counseling is something called a family map. This is a storytelling process where you create a family history for your counselor citing family and relationship dynamics that you’ve observed throughout your lives. For me, this was a Picasso of wonderful, beautiful people who have done everything they possibly could to allow love to survive amidst a collection of abuses and tragedies.

Romeo and Juliet

Sometimes this exercise is hard. When recounting all of the relationships in your life, the good and the really, really bad, it can make you wonder if you’ll ever be ready for marriage. But then, our pastor let us in on one of the beauties of marriage. After illustrating all of the relational patterns that have existed in our families, he said that this is when we can take all of the things we think are helpful and important that we’ve witnessed in our family, scrap the things we thought were unhelpful or needing a change, and create something new.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. – Genesis 2:24

I think this is why Genesis 2 talks so explicitly about leaving our father and mother. We leave one family to create a new one. Now would be a great time to tell you that I love my wife, and I honestly believe, from an unbiased-objective platform, she is the greatest wife in the history of wives. When we were getting to know each other I was blown away, absolutely floored by how brave and independent she is. The identity of Heather Strong was one that I admire. She is brilliant and compassionate in ways I haven’t yet discovered. This is an identity I never wanted to limit but to help flourish and I knew that would never happen if Heather completely lost her identity to mine. Nor did I want my identity to stay stagnant. God created us to be together and there are parts of who Heather is that I need to adopt in this marriage process. So, if I had anything to do with it, neither of us would completely loose ourselves. Rather, as we created this “something new,” we would be forming a new identity together.

Heather Strong

I fell in love so fast with Heather Strong.

To do this I couldn’t let Heather be the only one sacrificing a part of who she is. To do this we both had to create space in our lives, our families, our names for one another to come and adapt into something new. Hence the Strong Moore brand was born. To many Cody is still who I am. In many ways, to myself, Cody is still who I am. But Strong is who we are together.

Wedding Day Family

The Strongs and Moores together!

My desire is for people to hear Strong Moore and know that we are in this adventure together. I want people to hear our name and think about Heather’s late brother who was lost instilling even more honor and valor into the Strong name. I want people to hear our name and think about my mom and dad and the man they raised me to be. I want people to hear those two names together and think generosity, compassion, creativity, tenacity, grace, and love. After all, these were the words that came to mind for Heather when she created her Strong family map and what came to mind for me when I narrated the Moore family history. We want our marriage to be a blessing to everyone around us in the ways our families are. What’s in a name? For me, I hope it’s a picture of what our marriage will be.

“Married people, it’s up to you. It’s entirely on your shoulders to keep this sinking institution a float. It’s a stately old ship, and a lot of people, like me, want to get on board. Please be psyched, and convey that psychedness to us. And always remember: so many, many people are envious of what you have. You’re the star at the end of the Shakespearean play, wearing the wreath of flowers in your hair.” – Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?